Spanking Your Children May Do Good than Harm

Parenthood is one tough challenge after another, especially when a child has behavioral problems such as throwing temper tantrums, talking back or persistent stubbornness to name a few. When it comes to effective and constructive ways to disciplining a child, parents must understand first that every child is a unique individual just like you or me; therefore, there is no such thing as a sole uniform tactic and training. What works with one child may not work with yours as effectively and constructively.

In modern times, spanking is deemed wrong and even punishable by law in many parts of the world, especially in first-world countries. In a third-world country where I come from, children are taught to fear their parents first in order to teach respect and obedience. For instance, when I was a child I wasn’t allowed to be present in the living room when my parents were with guests, let alone participate in their conversations. 

I would get reprimanded for entering their bedroom unless given permission to do so. At mealtimes, it was considered an insult to complain or be picky with what’s on the table. At meals, I could not even start eating until the oldest in our family had started no matter how hungry I truly was. Taking an empty dish to the sink, cleaning up after myself, going to bed on time and making my bed was mandatory. When caught lying or disobeying their rules, spanking was the punishment.

Now that I’ve got two children of my very own, that I love unconditionally, I really do not want to spank them or give them a time-out, like I was reprimanded so many times as a child. My eldest son is five, and his younger brother is three. I was convinced that they both were just behaving like other kids in general, that their behavioral problems such as throwing temper tantrums, whining, spilling drinks on purpose and acting out both at home and in public were normal…until I met some fellow parents and adults that told me my two boys were spoiled and rude (especially my eldest.)

That’s when I reflected back to my childhood and remembered how I was taught to love, respect and obey my parents. A few months back, I took my little boys to visit a couple who have a 9-year-old son. I was amazed at how prim and well-behaved he was. As expected, the couple commented on my children’s behavior the moment my eldest began to whine over a toy, stomping his feet to get me to give what he wanted. 

That entire visit opened my eyes and turned out to be a comprehensive child discipline lecture for me. When their son was around my children’s age, he too had some challenging behaviors. When I asked what their method was, their answer was the same – Punishment…and that included spanking, sometimes even forcing him to kneel on mongo beans until the pain became unbearable and he learned his lesson. Now, at the age of 9, they only have to shoot him a look and he knows he’d better behave and obey. Since that visit I have given them six simple yet effective rules to follow:

If they break one rule, I have been resorting to punishment by way of light spanking, butt pinching or giving them a time-out every time. Even in such a short time frame, they now both go to bed at 9 in the evening, eat by themselves, get in the shower by themselves and tidy up their toys (though I have to constantly remind them to tidy up). Teaching them responsibilities has become so much easier now… now that it is clear to them that my word is my command and they had better listen and do as I say.

Toddlerhood and pre-school age are a crucial period in training up a child. I read articles for days (online, in print and on broadcast media), and took their pieces of advice, but they weren’t effective at all. Everyday listening to them whine, whine, and whine some more in order to get what they wanted was frustrating…and irritating. What seemed to be a normal everyday incident of fights over a toy, refusing to eat and finish their meals, not going to bed early and on time were not a pretty scenario to deal with at all. Toddlers and young preschoolers can easily manipulate you to get what they want. Guess what, you cannot always give them what they want. If you always give in to their demands, the likely scenario is you try to deal with power struggles and they end up the victor. Good news is, it’s not too late. When there is really a need to spank my children, I do so, not too soft, nor too hard. If you spank them too lightly, they might think of your punishment as a game or a joke. If too hard, it can be physically detrimental. You spank to make them fear the consequence of their challenging behavior and learn to not do it again. Here are important things to keep in mind: 

As much as I do not want to spank my children, to watch them grow up to be rude, selfish and disrespectful would not only be my biggest failure to myself, but also to them, and society as a whole. Toddlerhood and pre-school age, being such a crucial stage to implement good values, crack that whip (figuratively).

You are not their best friend …nope, not even close. You wouldn’t want them to walk all over you. You are the parent and authoritative figure, and it is vital that they understand this, to listen and learn from you so that one day they can be a productive member in this world. Spank your child if you need to, it may do more benefit than the harm that publications try to smother us with.