NB: The subject matter of this article, which is about the nature of love, is one of the broadest discourses in Philosophy. Hence, I can only discuss the basics, and yet, essential concepts to clarify some of its most controversial notions.
One of the most used and misunderstood words in the history of humanity is love, aside from peace, justice and truth. If you will ask every [single] human person in the world, I’m pretty much sure, each one has his/her own definition or understanding of what love is all about. There is no single person who does not have the awareness of this thing so called “love.” One might say that his/her understanding is frivolous or superficial, or worst, even come to a point of conclusion that it is not love at all. But, the point is, at least, everyone has its own definition [of love].
Now, let’s deepen our understanding of love by analyzing it in a philosophical standpoint. However, before that, to give a better explanation of love in the context of Philosophy, it is deemed [necessary] to discuss (first) two among the common misconceptions attached to it. The said misconceptions are very much evident to most people; especially to the young ones – the teens and early adults. Most often than not, “love is usually equated with romance” or in the language of the youth – infatuation or crushes. Contrary to common notion, romance is just within the ambit of love, the two (love and romance) have never been co-equal to one another. There can be romance, even in the absence of love, but never a love without romance. In other words, romance is generally defined simply as “a feeling of excitement.” You can always feel excited meeting your friends and relatives (the romance is there), but not necessarily you’re in a romantic relationship. On the other hand, even if you love the person; both of you are into exclusive [romantic] relationship, but, in the absence of romance, it defeats the very purpose of love – preserving intimacy and oneness. In a more philosophical language, romance is just a means to an end, and never the end itself. The end goal of romance is love; and not just romance itself. Hence, it is one of the causes for relationship break-ups or separation; especially to the young ones, even to most couples, they normally understood love as merely romance – grounded on feelings or sensations. People have to bear in mind that feelings are just fleeting, it changes from time to time, like mood sways. Therefore, true and authentic love must overcome the state of emotionalism.
Secondly, “love is always synonymously perceived as lust or sex.” Normally, the said perception leads most people to conclude (radically) that love and sex are just equal to one another – co-existing. However, in the Philosophy of love, particularly, in the Greek tradition, love has various stages; and one of them is “Eros.” It is a Greek term which means “erotic,” defined as “strong sexual desire.” Plato, for an instance, would say (not verbatimly quoted) “Eros is a type of desire that seeks to appreciate the transcendental ideal beauty.” In other words, Eros is considered as the first stage of love because it is more grounded on the physical [carnal] desire. Therefore, for earlier Greeks, they understood love as something irrational; merely limited to a strong longingness [impulse] to the body – its external beauty. Hence, for Plato, to overcome the state of irrationality, one must go beyond merely external [physical] attraction. Yes, it can be the starting point (strong physical attraction) for love, but one must not get fixated on the realm of “Eros.” Later on, the Greeks would claim – since they taught maturity - that the very purpose of love is to be rational. One of the manifestations of rationality, particularly for the Greek stoics, is one’s ability to overcome and to have a full control of feelings.
After discussing two of the most common misconceptions about love, I think, before moving on to the very definition of love, it is befitting to ask the questions: Why do people fall in love? Is there a way to escape from love? We can answer the aforementioned [questions] by looking closely on human nature. In a philosophical context, humans are considered as “potential beings,” meaning, they are imperfect. Why? Because all of us started from nothingness, before we were born, we were just potential or possible beings. We can either be born or not. Therefore, if there is any movement occurs from nothingness to something, it entails imperfection. Change is only viable [applicable] to imperfect beings. The perspective concerning “potentiality” and “actuality” of beings was first discussed by Aristotle to demonstrate the movement of existence. However, later on, it was adapted by Thomas Aquinas (considered as Aristotelian in his treatises) when he labelled God as “actus purus.” Meaning, “pure act” or pure actuality, this is to prove that there is no potentiality [possibility] in God; everything is actual, this shows His perfect nature. Whereas, for humans, we all began from merely potential [possible] beings. Hence, after laying the premise of humans as imperfect beings, this is also; however, the primary reason why they [humans] fall in love with another human[s].
Our imperfection is the one that dictates that we need another being (who is also imperfect) to fill our own [imperfections]. The imperfection of this another being makes us perfect, not as someone immune to commit any mistakes, but someone who finally understands that his/her perfection is the unification of two or more imperfections. After all, if you considered yourself as someone who is perfect in nature; henceforth, there is no need for you to yearn and search for others; and eventually leads to this what so called ‘love.’ For the sake of argumentation, others might say, well, I don’t love him/her, I only choose him/her because he/she is rich; only for the purpose of companionship, moreover, this person can give all my needs. Alright, given, one can argue that for some relationship (intimate and exclusive), it does not follow that there is love that binds them. However, the mere fact, that you search for someone else, for whatever purpose you might have, may it be for practical reason such as money, still, the idea of imperfection is there – the state of need. The disposition of yearning is very much present, it only shows that you, despite all the justifications you have in mind, still needs someone to sustain you. You might have an impure intention or other personal motives in engaging into a relationship, but, the fact is, you still long for someone or something else. Therefore, this will reinforce the earlier discussion about ‘Eros’ – a strong attraction to the physical and material, which, in a deeper analysis, also includes money and power. Hence, it is oftentimes, labelled as ‘imperfect type of love.’ Seemingly, this also answers the second question if there is a way to escape from love? Definitely, there is none, the greater challenge posted is, what kind of love do you possess? Is it the imperfect love (the one just being discussed)? Or perfect love (the focus of our succeeding discussion – the last part)?
One German philosopher, Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, defined love as “a representation of reciprocal recognition.” In other words, Hegel elevated the understanding [notion] of love from merely physical attraction to recognition; moreover, there is now the element of reciprocity. This type of love – mutual reciprocity, will support the earlier claimed of Greeks concerning rational form of loving. Love in the Hegelian context mutually recognizes each other’s being - both the strengths and weaknesses. This reciprocal experiences of both subjectivities (persons involved) are bind [united] by their respective insufficiency – a sign of imperfection. Nonetheless, the said process of recognition for both partners, eventually, triggers [the possibility of] love, which Hegel defines as relational pathologies. In the said state of being, it is no longer just feelings, but a way of life, notwithstanding.
Photo Credits:
https://pixabay.com/en/photos/love/
https://lovetextmessages.com.ng/romantic-love-text-messages-her-girlfriend/
https://conversion.com/blog/reciprocity-rule/
https://www.123rf.com/photo_34189438_man-has-to-decide-to-go-on-the-old-or-the-new-way-of-life.html
https://constelacionesfamiliaresterapia.wordpress.com/2013/11/25/amor-natural/
