You're A Miracle: Understanding and Accepting the Vast Array of Human Emotions and Behaviors

There are numerous books out there that will claim to change your life - from self-help to multi-step programs. But the jury is still out on how helpful such schemes truly are. That is not to say personal change cannot be inspired by someone else’s story, however. A story is a powerful thing. Words can be both a weapon and an elixir. Or, as Albus Dumbledore would say,

“Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it.”

If ever there was a book capable of changing one's life, of bringing about healing and understanding of ourselves as humans, it is this - You’re a Miracle (And a Pain in the Ass), by author, podcaster, and overall fantastic human Mike McHargue, also known as “Science Mike”.

“This is a dangerous book,” Mike warns his readers in the author’s note. It’s true, parts of this book could be tough to read, even triggering. The author writes about his “experiences with trauma and suicidal thoughts.” If you have walked these roads, his stories could bring up pain.

I really appreciate Mike McHargue’s honesty here. I think it is important to consider that not everyone will be ready to take a deep dive into their pain. But, this book is about so much more than struggle. Mike pulls from the fields of psychology, sociology, neuroscience, and behavioral economics to help the reader understand why we struggle and why we can sometimes be a pain in the ass.

Ultimately, though, this book is about helping the reader understand what makes them a miracle. In this story, the author is open and honest about what he has learned “in the hope that it might help anyone else who’s fighting to emerge from their own cocoon.”

We all have habits we would like to break. Habits we know are not good for us in the long run, but we do them anyway - binging Netflix, stress eating, skipping workouts. It is this constant internal battle despite knowing that going for a walk will make you feel better than watching a whole season of Chef’s Table on Netflix.

“What’s good for us later fights what feels good right now,” Mike notes while discussing this dilemma. So often we take the bait of doing what is immediately satisfying, only to ask ourselves later, “Why did I do that?”

So, why do we do it? Mike uses a well-known concept in psychology called “priming” to make a shocking point. You can read a more detailed description of the study in his book, but I will give you a shortened version. Through an experiment that gave participants a simple word scramble to solve, psychologists discovered that the speed at which people walked down the hallway after completing the task could be predicted by the words in the scramble.

Mike’s point: “We feel like we are in control of our lives, and that we will make decisions based on evaluating circumstances with our rational minds. But research is showing us that we’re far from the rational actors we believe ourselves to be.”

The struggle to understand why we make decisions that are not in our best interest, or that hurt other people, is not new. This is an age-old question that has plagued the human race throughout history. It is only recently that neuroscience, cognitive psychology, and behavioral economics have been able to offer insights.

“For the first time,” Mike observes, “we’re beginning to learn why our actions are so often out of sync with our intent.” This has a lot to do with our past experiences, the structures in our brains, and our environment. Previous pain and trauma can trigger an emotional response you did not expect or even understand.

But, as Mike will affirm, our qualities that frustrate us most are nothing to be ashamed of. “Emotions like sadness, anger, and anxiety - are actually key to helping humans survive and thrive.” The ray of emotions we experience today has evolved to solve problems our ancestors faced. For example, early humans needed a strong fear response to help protect them from predators.

Mike also gives a few examples I found interesting, one being that we get cold hands before public speaking because our “ancestors needed to minimize bleeding during altercations with other animals.”

After an evolutionary history lesson on the brain and emotional responses, Mike goes on to talk about how these responses manifest themselves today. In classic “Science Mike” fashion, he creates an analogy the least neuroscience savvy folk can understand.

Your brain is a burrito.

Yes, he is serious. And it works! Mike explains how, “a great burrito starts with some meat and refried beans, just as your brain started with a set of ancient structures that are often called basal ganglia, brain stem, or ‘reptilian brain.’” These structures are responsible for behaviors such as territoriality and are engaged when you are cut off in line and feel yourself ready to stand up to the perpetrator.

Mike continues with the burrito analogy to explain the structures responsible for our social behaviors, nutring, language, and other advanced cognitive skills. With this model set up, the author goes on to discuss other, often frustrating, human emotions and how they came about.

He tackles anxiety, denoting this powerful emotion is “the brain’s way of trying to make you do something about the stressors in your environment.” This leads to discussion about the hundreds of documented networks in your brain - networks formed for dealing with a plethora of emotions and experiences.

It is “the dissonance between these networks [that] creates the inner conflicts we experience everyday.” One network feels pleasure when biting into a salty, crisp potato chip, while another worry about weight gain and a third is processing the social risks of gaining weight.  

Mike gets really personal with the reader again as he describes his struggle with stress eating and the emotional responses that eventually lead him to being diagnosed with autism. He addresses why people struggle with eating disorders, allowing the reader to see that overeating is a product of our culture because “life’s strategies have been overwhelmed.”

Our bodies evolved to consume every delicious calorie they can in order to survive. Yet, today we live in a world where calories are readily available with little or no physical effort. This has given rise to an obesity epidemic, which in turn led to dangerous fitness and diet culture. Both of which Mike has experienced first hand.

In addressing such universal struggles as anxiety, eating disorders, and mental health, Mike always offers the science that explains how these emotions and compulsions come about. In doing so, he shows his readers that their bodies are not broken. He also shows us that we can overcome the shame and guilt which so often accompany the things we do not like about ourselves.  

When we come to understand the reasons behind our behaviors, especially those that make us a pain in the ass, we can begin to make changes. Anxiety, fear, and anger are not negative or “bad” emotions, they are natural responses. But they also do not have to control how we live our lives.

Through the lens of science and personal story Mike McHargue has given readers permission to shake off shame and view our broad range of emotions in a different light. He has given us a poignant look into our own humanity that one would not find in a science book.

Through this powerful story, Mike takes the reader on a journey of understanding and acceptance, which culminates in the sincere message that is the title of the book - you are a miracle. In one of my favorite lines, Mike imparts, “In its wisdom, evolution created a remarkably diverse species in Homo sapiens, but our human cultures do a terrible job of acknowledging the value of that diversity.”

The author, Mike McHargue, does value that diversity and is teaching us to value it as well.