I recall the first time a guy thought he had some unspoken right to my body, as he tried to force me into bed with him. I was able to get out of the situation before it escalated, but that moment haunted me for years. I was angry with him, but my anger did not come close to the shame I felt. I blamed myself, though the situation was entirely out of my control. I did not tell anyone about it for almost eight years.
Instead, I let the shadows of shame creep in and set up residence. I began to have anxiety attacks and found myself struggling with an eating disorder and body shame. Why did I feel as if this thing that had been done to me was my fault?
It would take years for me to confidently answer this question; to find empowerment in my story and in other women’s stories.
On the Subject of Empowerment
I assume, by now, everyone is aware of the controversial performance by Jennifer Lopez and Shakira at the Super Bowl halftime show. I was not watching the night of the game, but a quick scroll through social media the following day alerted me to the uproar over how the two were dressed and the chutzpah they displayed. Intrigued, I sat down to watch the fourteen-minute routine for myself.
Did it leave me feeling shocked? Offended? Ashamed, even?
No. Not at all.
I was mesmerized by their talent and moved by the sincerity of it all. I did not see two women, scantily dressed, dancing provocatively on stage. I saw two talented and beautiful people showing up to give a performance that was not merely for entertainment's sake. So, why the cacophony?
Objectify or Empower?
The objectification of women is a major issue that is finally receiving some attention with the recent #metoo movement, meant to give voice to the women who have been silenced on the topics of sexual injustices for far too long. The sexualization of women in media is a huge contributor, often portraying women as sexy objects of men's pleasure rather than intelligent and thoughtful people who have something to contribute.
This is why the halftime show has people up in arms. Were J-Lo and Shakira further contributing to the sexual objectification of women or was their performance empowering?
In an interview with Variety, Jennifer Lopez challenges her critics, exclaiming that she and Shakira used their performance as an opportunity to, “celebrate women and Latino culture.” Their desire was to empower women of all ages with “the message of standing up for yourself,” and having pride in being a woman.
I want to join in the conversation to provide perspective on why the performance could be seen as empowering rather than objectifying for someone of the female gender.
Your Body is Dangerous
From a young age, we (women) are taught that our bodies are dangerous. Being a woman means being sexualized, therefore, you should avoid looking or dressing in a way that will give men the opportunity to objectify - or view you only as a body or collection of body parts rather than a whole person.
Reality check - Women (or men) are subject to objectification regardless of dress. I have been stalked in the grocery store by unsavory characters while wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants.
The idea that a woman’s body is the reason why men fall - Eve still enticing Adam with forbidden fruit - is reinforced over and over again as women are blamed for the actions taken toward them. Little thought is ever given to the mindset that leads to objectification - someone having a sense of entitlement or power over another.
Instead, women are accused of asking to be ogled by men, especially when wearing something fitted or remotely sexy. What if a woman just wants to feel sexy for herself?
Correlation Does Not Equal Causation
I realize J-Lo and Shakira were not merely wearing fitted clothing. Their outfits, by definition, were not modest; though, honestly, I have seen more skin at the public pool. My argument here is not about clothing choices, however. I want people to see that those two women, and women all over the world, are sexualized no matter what they wear.
Society either sexually objectifies women or makes beauty and sexuality out to be dangerous. Both are harmful and lead to a disconnect from the body - which, studies show, can cause effects such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. This can be especially harmful in young girls because they do not have a fully formed sense of self (Zurbriggen, et al., 2007).
Correlation does not equal causation. Sexuality does not equal objectification. It is important for women to feel good in their bodies and explore their sexuality - research has revealed that sexual well-being is an important part of healthy development and overall well-being (Zurbriggen, et al., 2007). Women can be confident in their bodies without objectifying themselves or other women. The key is who holds the power.
The Shame Monster
At seventeen, I did not have a healthy sense of self when a guy from my high school class - formerly a close friend - attempted to pressure and then force me into having sex with him. Being treated as if I were nothing more than an object to please him caused me to question my worth. This, ultimately, led to the body shame, anxiety, and eating disorder I experienced in the years to follow.
I had not allowed myself to consider that the perpetrator should have been held accountable for his actions, his lack of self-control, and his misplaced entitlement to my body. I only blamed myself because that was the message I had always received. Your body is dangerous. Men will always sexualize you.
We have to stop sending this message to young women. Shame will not put an end to sexual objectification, but it will silence the women who suffer from it.
There will always be people who will exploit and take what they want without any thought to the person they are hurting. We should teach young girls to recognize and be mindful of such people in a way that is supportive rather than damaging. Women and girls of any age should know they belong to themselves and no one else; they should know that, even when others try to hold power over them, they can take it back.
Empowerment
Shakira and Jennifer Lopez certainly wielded power during their performance. They got on the stage during halftime and shared a message that rang true for women all over the country - you belong to yourself and no one else. In a stunning and unabashed showcase of talent and prowess, they celebrated women.
You may still disagree, and that is okay. I am simply telling the story from the point of view of a woman who knows what it is to be shackled and silenced by shame. When you have been there, you may change your mind about the empowering effect of two Latina women rocking the stage at the Super Bowl.
Women can take back their power, their sexuality and their voice from those who have silenced and objectified them in the past. This is what the halftime show encompassed for many women. This is empowerment.